ash
ash
-it's okay to be still in the ashes where life tried to burn you down.
Ash
define | what is left of something after it has been destroyed by fire, ruins. - Cambridge Dictionary
I have so many things I want to say and write about - but I struggled with where exactly to start. Then, I was reminded to start from nothing - to start from the ashes. What has to come before that first step - is the willingness to take it when you feel like you have absolutely nothing left to even take that first step.
When life has burned us down and all we have is ash, how do we find that willingness / willpower to take that first step into the next adventure that life has waiting for us?
Can you relate?
I am so lost. I am frustrated. I am exhausted. I can’t believe I find myself here in this place again. I feel like I am a mess, an imposter; who am I to…. (you fill in the blank here)? Why do I keep ending back here? Am I going in circles? Am I going the wrong way or taking the wrong path or doing the wrong thing? I know you have some great first steps, but I’m not sure I even have the willingness to do the things? Where does that come from? How / where do I find that? I don’t know what to do or if I even want to do it? I have lost myself along the way and I’m so scared I won’t ever find me again? I’m so overwhelmed with all the things and completely underwhelmed with how my life is going at the moment.
Above is a summary of what my clients have expressed when coming to me in the past. I am pretty confident they aren’t alone and this finds its way into the reading material of others who are nodding their heads and thinking right now, “I so relate to this! This is me!”
Welcome to what was previously Life Souvenirs with Coach MelAnn. New domain and a tiny shift in template and focus. Thanks for being here after my 6+ month hiatus. I will share later this week more on what brought me to land on the title, etc.
Meanwhile, on this new journey with The Phoenix Whisperer, we are going to start with our place in the ashes where we feel like life has burned us down.
And in an effort to keep my articles short (trust me, this is short for me ha!), I am going to give you one tip today. (I have others that will come later this week.)
Are you ready? Here it is:
Be still.
Be okay with being still. Even if you feel like your life is a giant chaotic mess right now. Be still.
Give yourself permission that just for a little while, this is ok. For some reason you don’t know yet, you are exactly where you need to be at this moment. There may be a lesson you need to learn here or something new you need to understand or see. It may not be comfortable - but the goal is not to be comfortable - the goal is to just let it be okay for right now.
Look around and just see where you can let it be easy. Put that big pack of burdens down. You are at a rest stop on your journey - so rest!!! It’s okay!
Stop trying to rush around and control results and outcomes and people. You have worn yourself out trying to control things and people and outcomes. And the more we feel out of control or the more we feel uncomfortable or don’t feel like we are ok, the more we try to exert control. So hear me when I say, “Just… stop.”
Take some deep breaths.
Being intentional with your life is not the same as controlling your life. And we tend to get those two things confused, not realizing that control is our kryptonite.
Tony Robbins says that our biggest problem in life is that we think we shouldn’t have problems.
We are gonna have problems. We are gonna be a mess. Life will happen in many ways that are just beyond our control - that’s what life does. I don’t think anyone on this planet escapes this fate. They may seem to. But what we really witness in those instances are people in denial who are exceptionally good at hiding it… or we are witnessing those who have mastered how to respond when life happens so it seems like a tiny ripple in a pond rather than a giant crashing wave in a big giant ocean of crashing waves and hurricanes.
I have a magic 3 day formula. Want to know what it is?
Normally, this section would be behind the paywall. But this week, I am not adding a paywall to any of the posts to celebrate the new journey with Substack. Consider it a preview of additional content your $7 / month subscription will give you access to should you decide to become a paid tier member.
Give yourself 3 days in the ashes. On the first day, empty out. Give in to your own pity party. But keep it to yourself. This is a party for one! Cry. Eat comfort food. Slam pool noodles as hard as you can on your bed. Scream into a pillow (so you don’t scare your family). Write out all the things you wish you could say / do to the people and things outside of your control that brought you here to this space in the ash pit. Get it out of your system. Then, if you do write it down- destroy it. Tear it into tiny pieces. Burn it / throw it away.
Then on Day 2, be still. Be quiet. Don’t watch tv or scroll social media. Get outside and go for a hike. Put headphones on and listen to instrumental music. Be cautious of doing anything that allows outside messages including song lyrics. Being still isn’t necessarily being perfectly still in one place. It’s being of still mind and spirit… in a process of emptying and keeping it empty for a time before the next steps of filling them back up.
Then on Day 3 - journal - write or do a video journal - whichever helps you - I recommend writing pen to paper (not typing on a screen) and then recording audio and listening back to it and then doing video. There’s a certain magic that happens in this process. Anyway - journal in the way that you choose and reflect on what’s on your heart, mind and spirit at this time. Hopefully by day 3, you are in a better frame of mind and energy and can discern the things that need to be addressed that are on your conscious - rising from your subconscious.
Allow things to come to the surface and allow any emotion they carry to wash across you - as a wave. Waves last an average of 12 seconds… then they dissipate. Let them be - we don’t have to grab on and ride every wave or hold on to how it made us feel. Let emotions just be information - remove good/bad from describing emotions. They are just information.
Just observe and record. Don’t rush ahead just yet to plan and map out all the next steps. It is Day 3 - of being still.
So … be still!
Please comment below if you were inspired here. What did you relate to? Have you embarked on 3 Days of Being Still? What did this spark for you?
Please engage with this post. Heart it. Comment on it. Share it with your people if you think it might help someone in your sphere of influence who might relate. Thank you!
If you are stuck in the ashes and feeling really down about it - go on now to my next post:
