ask
I wake up every day to this song. I feel like this might be appreciated by some of you reading this - especially following the previous post.
Before continuing on in this introductory series to the new Phoenix Whisperer blog, I feel led to address a few things.
Previous Post (Scroll on to read more of this current post):
If my last post found you in that desperate place in the ashes & you experience hopelessness in the ashes and the 3 day magic formula is just too overwhelming, this is for you.
And it’s for everyone else to keep in mind for a future time that you might find yourself in desperation or hopelessness.
urgent
First and foremost, you need to evaluate these feelings. Can you acknowledge they are a result of your current circumstances? Or are they from something like a deeper depression?
If the latter, you need to either call your counselor if you have one. You need to see your doctor TODAY. Or you can call 988 if you are in the United States, especially if you are considering self-harm or harming others. I am not a licensed mental health professional nor am I a doctor and clinicians are much better equipped to handle medical mental crisis.
For the rest of us, we all experience bad seasons. I don’t think many of us escape this. These seasons make us stronger and refine us for our purpose… and though they may not feel like it in the moment, they are … temporary.
background
Before I continue, I need to address something else. I have wrestled with what to do with faith and Scripture in my writing and my strategy sessions. Not because I’m ashamed of it and not because I don’t have confidence in it; but because I seem to attract people who have experienced / are experiencing a deconstruction process and they haven’t landed yet in a place where they have decided they even believe in God, etc. And I can’t blame them after the atrocities I’ve personally experienced and witnessed at the hand of religious zealots in the name of God / Jesus Christ and I don’t want to trigger anyone when I point to things of my faith and my God. And after many months of prayer and wrestling, the only answer I got from the Trinity is “do what I lead you to do and leave the rest to me.”
So, if you have been harmed by religious zealots doing their work in the name of Jesus, first of all I want to say that I am sorry this has been your experience. I’ve been in your shoes and I know how that can shake you down to your foundation. No one deserves that. And I am truly sorry for your experience.
I want to put this in front of you and then you can decide where to go from here.
To experience the self-righteous, pious, legalistic, judgmental religious zealots does not equate to the experience of God.
Let me say this again, louder, for those of you in the back:
To experience the self-righteous, pious, legalistic, judgmental religious zealot does not equate to the experience of God.
God is love.
If what you’ve experienced is not an experience of love, it is not of God. Period. And don’t let anyone twist this truth into something it’s not. (ie: “Discipline / correction may not feel like love, but it is love.” This is just something religious zealots say as they are gaslighting you to justify their bad behavior. We are all adults here. We know what love is - we know when a “course correction” is love - and we know when it’s not. We know when someone’s agenda is all about themselves, when their identity corrupted by their religion and they mean to do our spirit harm.)
In my arena, I am way more likely to tolerate someone’s doubt or disbelief or questioning faith than I am someone who comes here to correct everyone, judge with doctrine through legalistic lenses, etc. I’ve had enough of that to last 10 lifetimes. My guess is.. So have you. I don’t debate doctrine. I don’t analyze the varying interpretations of Scripture. If someone comes into my arena here in order to comment from their own limited view and legalistic vision rather than love, I have ZERO TOLERANCE and I will delete / ban from my circle. While I can respect them for where they might be in their own process / religious journey, I know the harm they can do - even when they don’t know it themselves. (Lord, forgive them. They do not know what they are doing.)
On the flip side, I don’t tolerate those who come to just call people of faith fools, etc. They are a self-righteous pious zealot of another sort. One of my dearest friends is an atheist and I know when discussions and questions come from a place of love that is seeking deeper understanding - and when they are not.
So, that is my role in creating a safe space here for growth and discovery and questions. If you have it all figured out - take your mission to boast to the world that somewhere else. You don’t belong here.
Even I don’t have it all figured out yet. I will always have areas to grow and question and discover. I’m too busy to debate religion, doctrine, legalism, narrow worldviews or engage in culture wars with people. (If I want to do that, there’s always Facebook, right?)
So, if you don’t know what you believe yet or if you are pretty sure you don’t believe, please don’t tune me out just yet. There’s a reason you landed here. Trust the process. Treat this as a buffet: Consider anything I say and take what helps you and leave the rest. Deal?
Sometimes, I may not even mention my faith or the Trinity or anything remotely connected to that. Please don’t judge me for that either. I’m not a Bible thumper where everything has to point to Scripture specifically. Sometimes my thoughts may very well reflect my faith in some way without specifically saying so (like quoting Scripture, praying, praising God, etc.) This is not a denial of Him or a hiding of Him. But because of the triggering effect it tends to have on a group of people I feel very passionate about serving.
So, if you can trust me for now that I want to hold a safe space for you here moving forward and haven’t yet subscribed, please do so now. If I betray your trust at any time, feel free to unsubscribe.
Ok, now that’s out of the way - back to the place of ashes.
hopeless or helpless
Sometimes, our hopelessness is really helplessness. We are trying to be self-reliant in times and places where self-reliance is not the right answer. We need help. We are not designed to be alone. We need each other. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is reach out for help and keep reaching out for help until we can get our footing, gather ourselves and press on.
Sometimes we reach out and we get the wrong “help.
We recently had a family member who was evaluated and diagnosed with a few things and the psychologist said “Unfortunately, people with this diagnosis - traditional talk therapy doesn’t work.” [After 6 months of weekly talk therapy, we kinda already figured that out -either that or we had a bad therapist (which I knew wasn’t the case).]
Same family member was on meds that helped sort of in the beginning but still was struggling. And when talking to their care provider, there was one phrase they said that alerted the care provider that they were using the wrong medication - treating the wrong thing. That change in medication was life changing for our family member! But you have to invest the time, testing, evaluation, communication, etc to get to that point. You can’t just throw up your hands after trying one medication and say “Well meds don’t work. They aren’t the answer. Western medicine is evil.” And so on.
Ever have someone in your life who tries to “help” and they end up just creating more work for you because they don’t do it right - or it’s not the help you need? The same thing happens when we try to help ourselves or seek help that is the wrong kind of help.
So what leads us to the right help?
ask
In my own life, the most peace I’ve ever experienced is when I fully embraced that I was never going to have all the answers for anything in my life. Health concerns. Relationships. Even my questions I still have concerning my faith. I treat every day as a new opportunity to discover something new about something.
But many days, that “something new” - is a new question rather than an answer to an existing question.
Sometimes the bravest thing we do is ask the question knowing there may not be an answer. . . and be ok with that. Our responsibility is asking the question. Our responsibility is not always going to be receiving, finding or even creating the answers to the questions we ask. However, asking the question sets our minds on a path to be looking for and open to an answer.
How many times do we just not ask the question because we are either afraid of the answer .. or not getting an answer at all?
It may seem simplistic, but just asking the right question is a more direct path out of our own helplessness rather than seeking a right answer.
Jesus asked questions - often in response to questions! - He was a master at asking questions rather than just providing answers. What I’ve learned about questions, is I may not be asking the right questions. But seeking an answer to one question may lead me to a better question… the one I should be asking. The one that leads me to discovery, growth and higher places out of the ashes.
declaration
If the ashes have yet to settle around you and you are in a darkness, I want to offer you what brings me some hope and peace. Please know this is not just quips from a callus or dismissive heart of a zealot. This is a hope that I pray will live in you & that you can confidently make this declaration / prayer (if not today, then someday).
Even in the valley of deepest darkness, fear will not conquer me. God remains close to me all the way through. The more I allow Him to lead me, the more direct the path will be out of it. Because I choose for God to be my authority and strength, I have peace. The comfort of God’s love overrides any fear that tries to creep in. I am not alone. I place the heaviness of my worries into the capable hands of God. I am confident that He will refresh my life because He is my oasis. I join my life with Him and as I learn his ways, I have discovered that He is gentle, humble, and believe it or not, easy to please! I know that I can find refreshment and rest in Him. All he requires of me - He will carry the load to make my journey easier. He will lead me to the right questions and the things that are more important than the “right answers.” I have a God-sized dream in my heart and I know that He will choose the steps that get me there. (This is paraphrased and made my own from TPT Ps 23:4, Mt 30:28-30, and Proverbs 16:9.)
For those of you who just aren’t there yet & struggle to find the hope in the ashes where life’s all but burned you down; then, this song is for you.
In my next post, we will focus on something lighter - all about a spark. Not the one that burns us to ash - but the one that ignites our movement out of the ashes and into our greatest story yet.
Please heart / like, comment and share this post with your people - especially anyone that comes to your heart or mind that you think needs to hear this. When you engage, it lets me know you were here & sometimes the greatest gift is to know I’ve been seen (or read).
I appreciate you.
Rising together,
MelAnn
